Pregnant in Japan: prenatal visits

After I registered my pregnancy, I was all set for my next visit scheduled for May 9th, 2013. I was 11 weeks, 6 days pregnant.

There are two waiting areas for women. One area is out in the open and it's for women who don't have appointments and are seeing the doctor for other female related issues. Basically anything outside of your normal scheduled prenatal visits. Then, there was a private waiting area for people scheduled for prenatal visits and one month postpartum checks. 

After you have given your hospital card to the front desk they will print out your number. Then you should go to the prenatal waiting area. Here you should take a cup write your name and date on it. Then you should use the bathroom and leave a sample of your urine. There is a small window with a door on it in the bathroom where you leave your cup. Then you should take your blood pressure. I've seen those kinds of machines in drug stores in America. After you take your blood pressure it prints it on a sheet of paper. After that you should weigh yourself and write your weight and name on the blood pressure paper. There is a table that you then place your maternal handbook along with your blood pressure and weight slip. Then, a midwife will document this in your book and give it to your doctor. The midwife will also document the results of your urine test. You can do your blood pressure, weight and urine test in any order you choose. I always did the urine first because I figure it might make me weigh at least a tiny bit less!

Here's my records from my hospital visits. I was very fortunate to have a healthy pregnancy. I covered up the weight section on here because it's a secret!!!

When I went on May 9th for some reason I just assumed an interpreter would be there waiting for me. I was wrong. I actually needed to schedule it with the main office. It was no big deal. I just did my best with my limited Japanese. After I did all my routine things my number was called. I went back where to my surprised I received another ultrasound. At only 12 weeks I had already had three ultrasounds for this pregnancy. The doctor said everything was ok and then scheduled me for my 16 week check. After that, the midwife informed me I needed to get my blood checked and I had to go buy a maternity hand book from the convenience store on the first floor.

The midwife escorted me to where I should go to give my blood. In the hospital, there is a special area that only does blood tests. So anyone from any department of the hospital who needs blood work should go to this area. You give them the slip the doctor gave you plus your card. Then you are given a number again. Then, once they call your number before they take blood they ask you your name and you must verify verbally who you are. 

It was kind of cute and funny the conversation or lack there of that I had with the midwife. She was asking me in Japanese if my husband was Japanese. When I said no he's Canadian she then wanted to know if he spoke Japanese. I said a little like me. She went on about how we'd have a baby with two English speaking parents in a country that spoke Japanese. She said a lot things about it, but I am not good at Japanese so I had a hard time expressing myself. Then when she took me to the area where you give blood she told the staff "she doesn't understand Japanese." I just thought it was funny. I think she couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that there are different levels of language ability. It was clear that for her that it was very black and white. That's ok because this happens sometimes. It's nothing new here or any other country.

After the blood work, she gave me the slip and told me to go downstairs and buy this book for 8 dollars. It's a book about what will happen to your body during pregnancy. It gives advice for experiences, eating and what not during pregnancy. It also explain how labor works. Overall, it's everything you need to know in order to prepare for your baby. It also has a section which explains what you will need while in the hospital. There is another list which gives you the recommendations on what you should have for a newborn. There is another section about breastfeeding and the special massages you can do to prepare your breasts for making more milk. In the very back of the book there are all the forms that you will need to submit once you are in the hospital for your labor. There were also some forms for classes that you could take during your pregnancy and classes you could take after the baby is born. Even though I couldn't read it was full of fun pictures that gave me a good idea about things.

Maternity Life handbook for Ichinomiya Hospital

In case you didn't already know...don't smoke 

& drink!

stages of baby's growth

Once I got the book I came back upstairs to get my things for checkout. The same midwife escorted me to the office so I could fill out a form with my basic information stating that I would deliver the baby in this hospital. Once again she told the other employee "she doesn't understand Japanese." If I didn't understand any Japanese how would I have understood when the woman was asking me to write my name, address, phone number and other things in Japanese. It was pretty funny to me. 

a map showing where to take the folder

Then they showed me again how to check out. That was nice, better to be showed a few times then to just assume I've got it. When I left I was so tired after all that. I realized that if I wanted to have an interpreter next time I have to tell someone. So, some time later I called Mr. Yokohama and with my terrible Japanese I told him my name and when my next appointment was.

A clear folder with your number and info

Panoramic view of the hospital's main floor. To the left is the checkout area. It's where you turn in the folder and pay.

On June 6th, I went in for my 15 week 6 day check. I went to the office first where I met my interpreter. She was a nice Japanese woman who actually had lived in America and had her son there. That was at least 20 or so years ago. She told me what I should do even though I knew. I didn't mind though since it was her first time with me. Everything was ok and the doctor scheduled me for my next appointment. After that we met with a midwife who went over the book I had bought at my last appointment. We went through the checklist of what to bring to the hospital and what to do if I went in labor outside of office hours. The midwife even wrote in Japanese on a slip of paper my information and where the ER staff should take me. This was just in case I needed it. I also asked her about the gestational diabetes check. Everyone in America has to get it done. Everyone I know has talked about how horrible it was to drink the special drink they give you. I was a little worried about having to do it. To my surprise you only have to do the gestational diabetes test if you test positive for sugar in your urine. What a relief!!!

Two pages of what to bring to the hospital

What to prepare for the baby

Map of  hospital and where to go during non business hours

The note to give ER staff if I go/went into labor.

On July 4th I went for my 20 week check. I was told that I might be able to find out the sex on this date if it were a boy. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to find out until the 24th week. So, I honesty didn't think I would find out on that day. The last appointment the doctor really made it sound like the chances were very slim. However, to my surprise she was able to tell me that it was "maybe" a boy. It was really exciting. I could not understand why she said "maybe". I came to find out that they don't want to say for sure in case they make a mistake. Every appointment after that rather the doctor or midwife gave me an ultrasound they would say "maybe" it's a boy, even when it was obviously a boy.

This brings me to another point...to my surprise I got an ultrasound every single visit. This is normal. I didn't have a problem pregnancy. It's just what every single pregnant woman gets. Ultrasounds for everyone! Since I was at a city hospital I just got the regular 2d ultrasounds. However, if you go to ladies clinics you will get 4D ultra sounds every time. I am not sure what the 4th dimension is, but that is what they call it. It's in color so maybe that's what they mean. My next door neighbor who is currently pregnant and goes to a ladies clinic told me she gets a DVD of her visit every time.

All my ultrasounds!

On August 1st, Will came with me to see the baby. We had planned for him to come this day because of the way the doctor had originally made it sound that I wouldn't find out until this date. I was glad he got the chance to see the baby. He also got to meet the interpreter. After this visit I was starting to come every two weeks. I felt that's when it started to really become real and time seemed to fly.

On August 15 my interpreter told me she couldn't come to the next appointment. She asked if I wanted to change my date or just have another person come. I said I would keep my date and just send another person. I am so glad I did.

On August 29th, I met Kei the substitute interpreter. I instantly hit it off with her. She was so warm and friendly. She was one of those kinds of people that realizes that there are levels in language learning. She was able to figure out quickly that I could really follow a lot and that I really just needed someone to help me with the medical side of the visit, the Japanese equivalent of big Latiny medical English words, as well as paperwork. That made me feel so comfortable. She was also really good at translating and very quick. I know it's an extremely difficult job to be good at and she is great at it.

Starting on the 28th week which was the day I met Kei, I was told would alternate between seeing the midwife and the doctor. The midwife visits were meant to be longer and where I could gather more information about how to prepare for everything to come. The doctor's visits were meant to be quick because the doctor is busy. So, after that visit I went with Kei back to the office to schedule my next appointment. I then told her I would like for her to come to the next midwife visit and the other one could come to the doctor appointment. I did this because I guess I felt bad to get rid of the other interpreter. Also I thought Kei would do a better job with the more complicated stuff.

I met the first interpreter on the 30th week check. I told her I would alternate between her and Kei. I met her again for my 34th check. I met Kei for the 32nd week check and the 36th week check. I told Kei that I really wanted her to be the interpreter for the rest of the time. I was not sure how to do this because I didn't want to hurt the other woman's feelings. She was nice, we just didn't work together. It was always a bit awkward and she couldn't get that I didn't need to be told how to do the routine work (urine test, weight, and blood pressure) she didn't understand that in some situations I understood perfectly fine what was happening. Kei on the other hand could tell right away what I understood and didn't. She also was very personable and we often went for banana smoothies in the hospital cafe. The other one was nice, but she was just too by the book for me. Thankfully, after I worked up the courage to tell Kei how I felt she was able to handle the situation for me.  She was able to say to Mr. Yokohama in a very polite way with out making the other person sound bad. I was so relieved!

Starting from the 36th week I started going weekly. On the 37th week I started doing stress test. Everything was looking great! Weirdly enough on my 40th week check I got sent to get a x-ray of my hips and the baby's head. I was really surprised by this! It's routine at this hospital. This way they will know right away if you have to have a c-section. I am not sure if it's done all over Japan. I know from another woman who had a baby in the same hospital a few years back that they didn't do this. So, it's pretty new. I have another friend who will have a baby any day now. She is having her baby in a ladies clinic in a different city. She told me that she just got a x-ray too.

My 40th week check was on a Thursday and he wasn't moving too much. So, she scheduled me to come back in on Monday. She told me if I didn't feel movement from the time I left the hospital to Monday that I should come back to the hospital.  Also I am pretty sure she did a membrane sweep on me. She didn't tell me and I felt too out of it after to ask what had just happened. The one thing I've noticed from my limited experience with doctors in Japan is that they don't just volunteer information. You have to ask specific questions or it doesn't get said. Every appointment I kept waiting to be told lots of information about having a baby. I guess that's what that maternity book and midwives were for.

Now it was just time to wait for his birthday. It was exciting and scary because it could be any time!

Pregnant in Japan: Registering your pregnancy

A few weeks after I moved to Ichinomiya, I began my investigation on which hospital to go to. As I mentioned before, I finally concluded that I would go to Ichinomiya Municipal hospital. So, on April 24, 2013 I went. My friend had arranged that I should meet Mr. Yokohama. So, I went to the information counter that is located in the front entrance and asked for him. They escorted me to the office where they introduced me to him. He is in charge of arranging translation. I am sure he's got other tasks too, but I don't know what they are.

As soon as you walk into the hospital there is an information counter to your left.

Since it was the first time I had ever been to the hospital they couldn't not provide an interpreter in person. They could only use a phone service. I was fine with that. How could I complain about a free service? I am lucky that they even had it. At that time in the office they got all my information and printed out my hospital card.

This my hospital card. It has my name written in Japanese.
シムキンニコール·ウッズキ technically they misspelled my last name.

After all that was taken care of, he took me to the second floor where I was given some questionnaire to fill out. He called in the phone service where he read the questions, a woman translated, I answered and so on. Basic questions about my health and when I became pregnant. 

Once that was sorted, they asked me if I had my coupon book and boshikenkō techō. I was really confused about what they were talking about. He seemed a bit surprised at first, but not too worried. He took me back to the obstetrics counter where they printed out a number with a time. They did that at both hospitals that I have been to. Rather then call a patient by name you are given a number. There are monitors that display the numbers. It's like going to the deli, but you don't get any meat!

This ticket has my name, the doctor's name, the date, and the time that you will see the doctor. 1018 was my number.

I had to wait about an hour before I could see the doctor. That wasn't too bad, but I was not feeling well so, it did seem to drag on. Finally I saw the doctor. She was very nice and could speak a little English. She did an ultrasound and sure enough it was confirmed once again that there was a baby. My due date was given to me which was November 22, 2013. She then gave me a slip of paper stating I was pregnant and there were some blank spots for me to fill out my personal information. She told me I should go to the health center or city hall and turn it in. She then set up my next appoint for a month later.

His second ultrasound. He grew a lot since the first one on March 29.

I was then escorted down stairs where they showed me how to pay. First I had to give my insurance card and my new hospital card along with a folder that had the information for the billing department. I was then given yet another number on a piece of paper along with a bar code on the bottom (It basically looks like the picture above) then I had to wait 15 or so minutes until I saw my number on another monitor. Once my number was displayed, I could go to one of many machines where I scanned in my ticket. Then it displayed my total which was about $70.00. In this case, insurance does not cover pregnancy bills. It's covered by the city. So, I put my money into the machine and it printed out my receipt along with my next appointment.

Where you turn in your folder

Check monitors for your number

The left corner you can see a row of machines. Here is where you would pay your bill in the mornings when it's busy. In the afternoon there are usually less people so you would pay at the counter.

I then put into my google maps "city hall" and it directed me to city hall. It was about a 5 minute drive from the hospital. Once there I showed the person at the information counter my slip from the doctor. She then directed me where to go. I showed the correct person my doctor slip. She pulled out a bag with an assortment of pamphlets and the boshikenkō techō. She then informed that they did not have an English book at the city hall. If I wanted it in English I needed to go to the health center. She then showed me the map and explained to me how to get there. Turns out it was about two blocks from the hospital. So, back towards the hospital I went.

Once I arrived I found the information desk. There they gave me a questionnaire to fill out. This had English along with Japanese. An employee came and talked with me. This was in English. We went over the form together. They basically want to know when you became pregnant and how do you feel about becoming a mother and what not. The health center is specifically there so that you can take your baby at any time to ask questions or get advice on raising a baby. Also if there are some health concerns for the baby or yourself they will help. Of course if you are sick you would just go to the doctor. 

After filling out the paper work they gave me a package. In this package was my boshikenkō techō which I came to find out was better known as the  Maternity and Child Health Handbook. A car magnet and key chain that informs others that you are pregnant. A coupon book for your doctor's visits. Then a ton of materials about being pregnant and having a baby. It's funny because the Maternity handbook was in English and Japanese, but all the other material was in Japanese. I didn't know what I was suppose to do with that.

Here's some of the material that was included in the package that they gave me.
There's a book in there about good nutrition while pregnant, a book for fathers and many other pamphlets with information on pregnancy and having a baby. One book even had coupons to stores like Babies R Us. (yes they have that in Japan too!!)

Now you are probably wondering what all that stuff is. I know I was when I got it. Overtime I figured it all out. The Maternity and Child Health Handbook is a really great idea. You take it with you to every doctor's visit. They document your weight, blood pressure, sugar and protein levels in your urine. It also has a few pages where you can write about your condition during the different stages of pregnancy. Once the baby is born, it becomes the baby's book. It documents his weight and height up until he is 7. It also documents all his vaccinations. I had to take it to every prenatal visit and will continue to take it to all his future visits. I think it's really cool. What a great way to keep track of things.

These are some of the books for Japanese women. Each city has different covers. I am not sure if it's random or how they decide rather you get Winnie the pooh or mickey mouse.

The is the English version. Everything is in English with Japanese underneath. They have these books for many different languages. However, the English version only has this cover. So, all over Japan women using this version don't get to get the cute designs. However, we're lucky they've got this version for us so, I can't complain.

 The coupon book....that was confusing at first. Then one of my friends explained it to me. Every visit I should turn in a coupon. This made every single one of my prenatal appointments absolutely free!!! Here the city pays for things related to pregnancy. I couldn't believe it. I kept waiting to pay something, but I didn't have to. The only exception was at the end I had to pay $20 for the stress test. No big deal since I didn't have to pay anything before!

This is the Ichinomiya City coupon book. Each city has a different one. The size, shape, color and perhaps the information needed is different from city to city regardless of your language. For the Ichinomiya coupon book on each visit you fill out your address, name, phone, date the book was issued, your birthday and the baby's due date. 

The car magnet and key chain as mentioned before just let others know you are pregnant. You don't have to use them it's your choice. Using the key chain gives you the right to sit in priority seating on the trains and subways. Women usually attach this to their purses or bags. Ideally if someone sees the key chain they will give you their seat. This way you don't have to ask. I found I really needed it in the first trimester. So, many days I took the train for work. I had no energy. I had to pull it all together to get through the few hours of work. Once on the train I just had to sit. The second trimester was better so, I didn't mind standing sometimes. The third trimester I wanted to sit again. I had a few occasions where having that key chain came in handy. The magnet for your car was just to advise other drivers to be careful and it allowed for some priority parking spots. I used both of them. I still have the magnet on my car, because now I've got a baby in there.

So, basically those were the reasons why you have to register your pregnancy. I also suppose it's a way to keep record of births, and the unfortunate death of  a baby or mother. It makes for very accurate statistics. Some people might think it's weird. I didn't I was happy to know that the community was there to support one another during a beautiful stage in ones life. The paper work was annoying, but the benefits were and are amazing to me. 

Pregnant in Japan Part II

On March 23, 2013 almost 7 months to the day that I had miscarried, I found out I was pregnant. We were both so excited. It was also a week before we were about to move from Mizuho, Gifu-Ken to Ichinomiay, Aichi-Ken. They are only 30 minutes apart. Even though I was happy, I was a bit nervous about having a miscarriage again. I think this is a pretty natural feeling for most women.

As you could imagine there was so much to get done before moving. Not to mention we had so many students who wanted to go out before we left. I appreciated going out with people, however, it wasn't like we were leaving the country. Well, just about two days before moving day I suddenly became really sick. It was bad. You can only imagine how scared I was. Will was also sick, but I think he's got a real talent. He knows how to just keep on going. So, he ended up doing the rest of the work for moving.

I went to the doctor and told him I was also pregnant. He didn't want to give me any medication until he talked to my OBGYN. Luckily, I could say I had one thanks to my past experiences. He then talked to her and decided to give me some mild antibiotic for the tonsillitis that I had..

Gifu Municipal Hospital
This where I went for my miscarriage and on March 29, 2013 when I became pregnant the second time.

On moving the day my friend decided to take me to the hospital to see the OBGYN since I was sick and it was so early on.  Despite feeling like crap I was so relieved when I saw the very first ultrasound. The baby was literally a tiny little circle.It was a relief to see something! The doctor said it was still really early, maybe 4 or 5 weeks.

I was really lucky the same doctor was there because it was her last week at the hospital. April is considered the new year for schools and business. So, often after a doctor has been at a hospital for a few years the city will send them to a different hospital. The same goes for teachers. They don't get to choose when and where. As far as I know, this is standard for Aichi and Gifu prefectures.  I can not speak for the entire country.

Normally after seeing the doctor they will give a certificate to take to the city hall to register your pregnancy. Since the doctor knew I was moving that day she did not give me this certificate. She told me to go to hospital in Ichinomiaya. She just saw me to give me a peace of mind since I was sick.

While all this was happening Will along with some friends were making multiple trips to move our things. I can not believe we had so much stuff! It adds up fast. Once we were moved in and since I was not going to start work for a few weeks I said I would unpack things. Will basically started working a day after we got there. Well, my plans were changed. Turns out the antibiotic was too weak and my tonsillitis turned to an ear infection and sinus infection. Finally after a week it all started to clear up. But what do you know morning sickness started and it was bad. Not going into to too many details...but let's just say most things I ate didn't stay where they should.

After attempting to settling into our new life I started looking for hospitals and ladies clinics. I couldn't decided which one to go to. Ladies clinics have a reputation of having a beautiful birthing experience and stay. I've heard of some that will arrange for a fancy dinner with your husband during your stay. Or private bathrooms with some luxury showers and tubs. On the other hand the idea of knowing that you are in the hospital in case of emergency is comforting. Ladies clinics are close to hospitals so if there were a problem they could have you to the hospital in a few minutes. Plus this day in age you can usually see if there will be a problem well before delivery.

This is what you might find at many Ladies Clinics. You can see how it looks like a luxury spa or hotel. It's no wonder so many women choose them over the public hospitals. I don't know where this particular clinic is located. I just found something that you can what I am talking about.

In the end the most important thing for me was having an English speaking doctor. Also top on the list was to have a female doctor. But  English was most important. I feel bad for wanting that because I should speak Japanese. However, this is a situation that I wanted to have clear answers and communication. It's one thing to practice Japanese at restaurant and make a mistake and you get the wrong thing. However, first baby and all well, English was a must. So, I called three or four Ladies Clinics and with my terrible Japanese asked if the doctor could speak English. The first two were a no. The third was funny because someone came on the phone who spoke English really well. I was getting excited, but she just told me the doctor doesn't speak English and that it might be difficult. Then my friend called the city hospital for me. I felt that would be too difficult for me since there are many departments. Turns out Ichinomiya City Hospital had a free translation service. So, I decided to go there. That way I could get a female doctor and English. The best of both worlds.

Ichinomiya Municipal Hospital
This is where I went.

Pregnant in Japan Part I

I am the proud mother of a beautiful three month old boy in Ichinomiya, Japan. I thought it was time to document the process of being pregnant and having a baby in another country. Some have asked what my experience has been like. Plus I hope it will be helpful for any women who become pregnant in Japan that are looking to read everything they can from other people. While this is my first baby it's not my first pregnancy, so I hope this will help others who have or will go through this.

I first became pregnant in July of 2012. I discovered in August that I was around 6 weeks pregnant. I had a mix of emotions as it was a complete surprise. As soon as I told my mother she said that I had to go to the doctor. I was completely lost as to what I should do. I didn't want to tell my co-worker, because I was not sure what the policy of pregnancy was at my job. So, we talked to one of our Japanese friends who wrote down some things in Japanese that I thought a doctor might need to know. I was not sure exactly where to go because you can either go to the OBGYN in the hospital or to a 'Ladies Clinic'. These clinics specialize in babies. They are usually a bit more than a hospital. They also offer a few more amenities too. We just decided to go to a ladies clinic that was just a short walk from our house.

Thankfully, with our hand written note and our limited Japanese, we were able to get the paper work done and see the doctor. The doctor was extremely awkward.  He wrote in his note pad in English, but would not let me see it. He didn't speak English even though he was writing notes in English. He was going full speed in Japanese and asking me questions that I could not answer. I did not expect him to speak English, but I thought he'd at least slow down. After all, I was pregnant for the first time.

He then gave me an exam. I was so surprised because the way they examine you is so different than the states. American women all know how that goes so I don't need to go into details. However, here you go into another room that is in the same room that you talk to the doctor. There is a curtain and a chair. You should take off your pants and sit in this chair. The chair is electronic and it puts you in the perfect position. The curtain is at your waist so you can not see the doctor as they examine you. There was a monitor on my side so that I could see the ultrasound. It was totally weird. I am still not sure how I feel about that. In one way it takes away that awkwardness of someone looking at you and the other way it's strange that you can't see what they are doing.

Take off your pants get a towel and have a seat. The chair does the rest.

Try not to get any visuals of what the doctor sees from this angle. 

After the exam he quickly told me in Japanese that I would probably have a miscarriage. I was so worried. It was a difficult time. After a few days I sadly miscarried at around 7 weeks. It was a very emotional time in my life. It's hard to really understand the feelings you have unless it has happened to you. I never wanted to talk about to people because it was so painful. It was very painful seeing all these pregnant women walking around, the facebook notices of others getting pregnant and worst of all the calendar. Like many women, one of the first things you do is go to babycenter and calculate your due date. You see the lay out of how many weeks you will be at different points. For me I had already known when I'd be 10 weeks and 14 and so on.

Once the miscarriage began I went to the doctor's, because it was a small clinic he recommended I go to the hospital. He could not confirm if it were an actual miscarriage, a tubal pregnancy or something else. That ladies clinic only caters to normal pregnancies. If anything looks like it is going to go wrong then they send you to the hospital. So, I went to the hospital.

Once at the hospital I had to wait a few hours before I could see a doctor. This is standard for hospitals or clinics for your first visit. You can not make appointments. The only appointments you will have is if the doctor wants to see you again. If you have a problem you just have to wait, you can not call it in. The hospital had the same sort of set up like the clinic where there was a separate room with a curtain and electronic chair.

I was told I had probably had a miscarriage. At that time they saw a lump on my tube. The doctor was not sure what it was. She said they may have to operate.I had a choice to do it that day or wait a few days to see what happens. I waited. I was praying along with so many others that everything would be ok. When I went back thank God the lump was completely gone. I still have no clue as to what it was. She then confirmed that I had most likely had miscarried. They had taken my blood both times and could to see the HCG level going lower. She then wanted me to come back the next week and every week until my HCG level was completely back to normal. That was strange to me, but I guess they like to be very thorough here.

At the time I had a private health insurance that did not cover pregnancy related things. So, I was paying out pocket each time. I was very surprised at the prices. The first first was about 100 dollars. The next visits went down to around 70 dollars and towards my last few visits 30 dollars. I was shocked at how cheap it was! Shortly after I joined the Japanese National Health insurance and they paid me back 70% of all my bills. So, had I had it before I would have only paid 30% of the total price.

Finally by the end of September I was finished with going to the doctor's. I am glad they made sure everything was OK, but I felt like the experience and reminder of what was just lingered on for so long. I knew I would become pregnant again, I just wasn't sure when and how long it would take.You feel little broken after an experience like that. I am thankful it happened early on I can not imagine how women feel when they carry a child for months and lose the baby. I also knew in my heart that I would get pregnant again and that by some miracle it would happen before what would have been the first due date of my first pregnancy. While every conception is precious and special and we mourn the loss of that pregnancy we can take comfort in the joy that comes out of the loss. I'm sorry I didn't have that baby, but I can not imagine my life without my beautiful baby boy who would not be here now if it weren't for what happened. I love him so much and I am so glad he is here!!